luther sang "love me like my back ain't got no bone"

that’s what I felt like when I got back from space. like I had no bone. no string to bounce back on. you can’t imagine what it’s like, all that time looking at the earth, all those rotations. eventually you wait for that one spot to come around. you pretend you can see it better than you can. you zero in, a street, a day in early fall, warm without being too hot. you walk down the street to her door, hear her coming down the front stairs. you think you know how she feels, but it’s been a long time. neither of you speaks. air or breath, or the solid hold in everything. how long did you wait to be part of that world again. they put you up there to see what was possible. the atrophy of earth and water without sound.

edwards drive-in

watched the first film of bergman's trilogy of faith last night--"through a glass darkly". it won a best foreign film academy award and it has an amazing performance by a woman named harriet andersson that is completely over the top, as is much of the movie. remember the really dramatic black and white perfume ads way back when? now I know where they come from.

there was a very foppish british critic who gives a ten minute commentary on the dvd extras and he claims that bergman is at the height of his powers starting with this film. he also talks about the water and the setting and that it's a chamber piece and a lot of things that critics talk about. like I said, it's over the top, but I think it's worth watching, if only for the character named minus who is obviously closeted and basically threatens to bounce out of the frame in almost every scene.

sample dialogue from the character who plays the father-- "one draws a magic circle around oneself to keep everything out that doesn't fit one's secret games. each time life breaks through the circle the games become puny and ridiculous. so one draws a new circle and builds new defenses."

which makes me think of something else, swedish has such a unique sound. I found myself through-out the entire movie trying to pick out words and compare them to the subtitles as they went by.

that was the year...

that was the year I slept with the intern after the show. a crowd gathered around to watch. shocked. “oh no”.

that was the year I learned to give cpr, but only in the back seats of large sedans. it was hard to hear over the heater. I was hoping she’d be sweeter along with the olde english. a language we harvested in private. I’m sure she thought she was winning, but that just shows you how little she knew about me. there was a crown, or maybe it was a crowd. it slowly migrated across the room.

“what’s he doing up at this hour”.
“it’s hard to tell”.

odds soon went up on the tote board. creeping’s just a way. here’s a hint, I thought I was irish, but they told me american.

the odds settled at 3-1, that was the year they tried to make us use numbers.

you slept quietly the whole time, I’m pretty sure of that.

“you’ve learned nothing”, I thought, hanging upside down. color then, went out of the crowd. it was the first thing that made me laugh all year. I took the uphill route home, not thinking of you once. mostly because I didn’t want to.

i-pod wars

I think it was in ’83 my father left the family,
But came back three weeks later for a love
both firm and stable.
I think it was in ’91 that Lee Remick died……
The sibling rivalry between my sister and
me turned into the strongest branch of our
family tree.
When I was young I dreamt of Lee Remick,
She had a ring upon each finger, she was
smiling all the while.
Her hair was just long enough so it
bounced upon her shoulders,
She said she always spoke the truth.
My Father let me down but I so easily
forgave him,
And I know the home wrecker has a place
within his heart.
I used to blame my mother for each and
every failure,
And how Lee Remick’s eyes sparkled that
brilliant blue.
He looked just like a Jonathon but he said
his name was Ashley,
He was my best friend till he drank so much
his heart sank.
And all my pretty friends who just grew up
and failed
and what if I fail? What if I’ve failed
already?
Those filthy little angels tugging at my heart
saying
‘boredom is a sin, ambition should be
everything’


lee remick by hefner

off the rack

I also believe that this kind of thinking accompanies not only my own efforts, but those of other, younger poets. Efforts of those who, with manmade stars flying overhead, unsheltered even by the traditional tent of the sky, exposed in an unsuspected, terrifying way, carry their existence into language, racked by reality and in search of it.

-- paul celan

dawning

in the kitchen I think, you don’t need words for speed. or for hills. because it was on the hill where I thought yeah, I get this.